Why in the heck do people have to make things more complicated than they are? It seems that the panty waists at Foggy Bottom have that wedgied feeling because the Iraqi National Congress can't account for all the money they've been given.

Quick background. The US Congress decided back in 1998 that Saddam had to go. And they appropriated $98 mil to do it, funneling the money through the State Department. State was supposed to fund the INC, which is sort of a government in exile, to train guerillas and develop intelligence assets (read: spies.) So just last week, State decided that, since the INC couldn't track all their money (like the payoffs they've made to spies), they were cutting the funds. Just as, one would expect, we were about to use the INC for what we'd always planned: replacing Saddam like a busted watch.

(The INC, by the way, at least seem to be seriously devoted to establishing a real democracy in Iraq. If they did, that would make two in the Middle East: Israel and Iraq. Go Democracy!)

Remember, it's the State Department that thought that replacing Mohammed Aidid was a dandy idea but sending stuff like tanks and bombers would be "provocative." It's the State Department that has for years been beating the "China is our friend" drum. It's the State Department that uses terms like "rapproachement" for Saddam Hussein and can't manage to point out to anyone that while the people in Southern Iraq, where Saddam is in charge, are starving, the ones in Northern Iraq, where we won't let him in, are doing just fine.

And they wonder why people say State needs and "America" desk.

Now the INC might be using some of the money for wild weekends in Vegas. They might be. But after preventing them from half the actions they were supposed to be doing (training soldiers) and hampering them on the other half (developing sources) it's the ultimate insult to have our State Department come down and say "we know you're trying to do this thing that everyone in the US wants you to do, but since you can't account for all these payoffs to informants, we're going to cut your funding. Screw off."

The problem, at bottom, is not the INC, the problem is that the State Department is not about changing governments. State wants to know who they are going to be dealing with next week. "Jaw, jaw, jaw is better than war, war, war" is their mantra. The CIA and the Special Forces are about changing governments. The slogan of the Special Forces is "De Oppresso Liber": "Liberate the Oppressed." And they're serious about it. Frankly, we gave the money to the wrong guys; let's do a put on 5 th Group.

Just cut a check from the State Department to 5 th Group for $98 million then close your eyes and count to ten. Fifth gets told "we want INC forces ready to invade Iraq by October of 2003." Why October of 2003? Because that's when we'll have our guided bomb inventory refilled. We used up a lot (lot, lot, lot) in Afghanistan and I think we can anticipate Iraq being "hotter" than that fight. Now, there's a few problems. The batteries in these bombs may have some "issues". They may not have the 20 year shelf life they were rated for because the company that makes them might have been fixing the casings with super glue. (Alternatively, and just as likely, the media is making a mountain out of a molehill.)

But, yah know, that's okay! We've got batteries that aren't going to last in bombs. We have an enemy we've been itching to give a serious ass kicking since at least 1992. This seems to be a match made in heaven.

Memo to the Air Force: Do another put on Boeing. We're gonna need more JDAMS. Oh, and pull some of those A-10s out of mothballs; we're gonna be usin' some Mavericks up. Grease the cables on the B-52s. Clean the veins on the B-1s. And Army: make sure all the power packs are up on them M-1A2s. We may be using mostly proxies, but Saddam's also got a much bigger army than Omar.

So take the money away from State and dump it on 5 th Group. Give ëem a nice out of the way spot with similar terrain but worse climate to train in (hmmm… Kandahar comes to mind…), have them get troops from whatever source they feel most appropriate (hmmm… in a certain rocky country there's a bunch of out of work guys), tell them what frequency the Air Force is on, introduce them to a few nice fellows from Langley (oh, never mind, they've already been introduced!) And then you just fuggedaboutit!